AK Sun

So this week has been an abnormal treat for us Alaskan's; warm, warm weather hanging up in the high 70. And for it to still be spring this is AMAZING. My chitlin's already have sun kissed noses and cheeks. Each day is bringing another opportunity to get dirty, romp and play in nature.
This past Tuesday I went up to Flat Top with my girl and our kids to overlook the city and see the snow slowly receding back into the mountains and sky. To overlook the inlet, our city and to just change perspective on home. It was wonderful :)
Now the one and only down side is the sketters...they are amazon this year. Big blood sucking things that seem to come at you in swarms. The welts they leave after they have pierced your skin with their looong suckin' needles ITCH like crazy!!
But ahhhh it's such a beautiful time in Alaska!!

Personality Test

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Stillness

Have found my peace as I am traveling through this process, and it is just a process, a life-long process for me :)
Good, Bad, Indifferent...it just IS.
Have had the universe give guidance and signs for me to just be still. Remember who I really am, where I come from...and life is a gift. All of it. To LIVE and have the freedom of choice. To control your life via your actions, re-actions, choices, thoughts, prayers. We are all a part of The Great Spirit, God, Goddess, OM...whatever human word is attached. We are IT. We are created from that and remain that...our choices as humans determine the rest.

I am in my NOW; my home is peaceful, the kids are healthy, happy and sleeping. My husband is wonderful, asleep on the couch (not wanting to leave me alone with my insomnia :), sunburned from his wonderful rides. I'm so loved, so blessed.
I am strong in more ways than I can believe or even wrap my mind around but that has always been a struggle...believing in myself.
But now, right NOW in this moment I believe. The area of my heart, perhaps also more the area of the 3rd chakra (i think) the one at the base of where your ribs join got all jittery, anxious...fearful. That is emotion that I need to process, lies and abuse that is recorded in me that I need to re-do. Acknowledge the emotions, honor them. When this will happen...I don't know. I'm going with the Universes flow and trusting that when the time is right...it will happen.

Lost

So I'm writing about something real and I 'm not even sure why I'm writing a blog about it when I don't understand it myself but ah well.
For a little over a week now, every morning when I wake up I'm consumed by anger. Not being able to remember my dreams I don't know if it is a dream that is triggering me or something else. All I know is that every morning I have to will the anger back so I can face myself, my children...my life with something besides anger. I feel tears...that I know I need to shed but getting the release has proven to be difficult.
I don't know what to do. I am hesitant to get on any medication because I hate having to depend on a pill for my sanity; and the times in the past when I have tried (over 4 now)it always falls apart and I end up having to go through some psycho with-drawls.
I'm lost within my own mind and soul. Trying to continue to breath and count my many, many blessings. And not let the darkness win.

Go Play!

Ah what a month it's been and there is still more to go. No word yet on when we'll be closing on the house. Unpacking is coming slow but surely. I'm still in the 'where am I going to put this' stage. Learning how to care for a lawn and all the wonderful flowers that we now have. :)
Good news; spring has finally come for real. The trees leaves are showing themselves. Seeing the green lifts my spirits. Went on a hike to Potters Ridge the other day; it was wonderful seeing nature waking up.
Get outside and play!!

Mothers

Mothers Day is almost upon us
My heart misses you
Both of you
Mothers are such precious people
Even when they break our hearts
Or we break theirs
Opening up to a mothers love
Is born within us with our first
The second we choose and are chosen
After that it is hard to open
To believe in

My journey as a mother
Has been a lesson in life
In being Human
Learning that we all make mistakes
No matter what our intentions
Learning to forgive
To laugh
To play

To all the Mothers out there
Thank you
For the kisses, the love
The understanding
Forgiveness
For giving LIFE

Daffodil

My first daffodil of spring :)
daffodil's where my 2nd mothers favorite flower.
Every time I see one it reminds me of her.
I see a sign...
A reminder of unconditional love...
I feel protected

Alaska Spring?

Good Morning!! Yawn!
Look out the window... it's snowing! SNOWING in May... only in Alaska is old man winter hanging on so hard. The leaves where just starting to open their buds to the sunshine... it was almost green. And now it's freshly white.

Still workin'

Well it's moving along. Didn't find any magical wand but did realize that once you start...things just move along all on it's own :) So there are still waaay too many boxes and mess but I can see our home emerging...just gotta keep on applying the elbow grease!!
Still no idea on when we will be closing. Am hoping for this month. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gonna go work some more.
Later Taters!!