New Job

Hello All!! So I got a new job. And this job is something that I've never done before, for the past eight years or so I've been stuck in office work and customer service...and now I'm a sweeper!!
Yes, a sweeper. I get to drive a big sweeper truck. Work by myself and get really, really dirty :) Also get to practice driving on the right side of a vehicle (for when we go to Europe). Oh and the truck has a 'suicide ball' on the steering wheel...wheeeee!! although I got a blister healing on my R palm. This past Thursday and Friday I was in training...learning all the bits and pieces. And on Sunday I went solo... and it went very well :D
Thank You Universe!!

Just Because

Just wanted to write a blog because I haven't in awhile and I don't want to get out of the habit of writing. This week has flown by; am riding my red tide so my emotions are more intense but just the knowing that my emotions go a wee haywire during this time has made it less intense. It took me a loooong time to accept that truth and to just be ok with myself and my body during this time. Am almost done... thank Goddess.
Ok on to another subject. This weekend my youngest turns 4. She has always been my fairy...she just has this 'otherworld' quality about her and her eyes light up with mischief. Ok so this will be our first 'function' at our new house and I am a sllooww movin' in type; so needless to say there are boxes and stuff around and the 'suzie homemaker' in me wants everything to be just so. Now I realize and am accepting that it really doesn't matter nor do the people who are coming care BUT it is something that I care about, so I've come to a compromise with myself. The compromise is that on Friday we will rearrange all the boxes in a more orderly fashion and get them in one area and prepare the areas of the house that the majority of people will be to be boxes free!! Yea!! Also got massages scheduled for me and my man just to release some of the stress factors.
So here in Alaska it is a raining napping kind of day. The cottonwood trees have done their first shedding of their white fluff (ugh sneezes) and the rain is thankfully calming it down. Went on two hikes around the Potter Ridge trails this week and everything is green, green, green... LOVE IT!! Saw so many flowers...just beautiful :)

Answered Prayers

Goddess, OM, God is amazing in answering our hearts prayers even when we are not sure what we need. I have been hungering for mother love. I have had two mothers in my life that have passed. Last night my youngest daughter was reading a cloth book my 1st mom made in high school...so even though she passed in 1988 she still touches my life :) My sister, lovingly referred to as blister, who we share a mother with (my 2nd) heard my heart call last night and called just to check on me and send love. As it turns out my blisters (yes there are 2) have both been missing our mother...there is a comfort in shared grief.
Then just as the night was ending my adopted mom sherry-lee called to give love and arrange to come over and visit. My heart wept with gratitude. My children loong for a grandma that is available and in their day to day life and she is willing, no not only willing but wants to be their grandmother. A priceless gift.
THANK YOU!!

Thoughts

So I'm sitting here with a yummy dinner settling in my belly, kids counting passing rail cars pondering how to begin this blog. How to eventually get to what I want to write about and to write about it without naming names or being hurtful. It's a tough one to wrap my mind around. A dear friend has blogged about how it is important to just get the words out and to not worry so much about the rest so I'm going to try...
The relationship that is on my mind and in my heart has been one for awhile now, thirteen years to be more exact. This relationship has always had communication issues, problems with being able to hear or listen to each other. There is fault and blame all around, WE all share in it.
The problem now is that it's become easier, well maybe not easier but more of a habit to not have the relationship. To be silent and separate from each others lives. It's at a point now where there is so much hurt and anger that I don't see a way for it to change.
It's a sad thing to not be able to have a relationship with 'family'. It is hard to have it continue on in this fashion. I have made numerous attempts to help 'fix' it, also have done my fair share of 'shutting it down' and in the end it doesn't matter. It's not my relationship to fix. I'm not a major player in this.
I could have had a relationship but it just never seemed to work out. And it was troubled with problems from the beginning. There seemed to be mistrust between us. We've always seemed to speak different language's...I'm too sensitive and I believe they can be too cruel. Yet on the other hand I can see all their love and amazing strength in life and I hope that they can see the good in me as well.
It would be nice,yes I realize I'm dreaming here, but it would be nice if the people could look into their spiritual hearts (not the human ego ones) and just let go of the past, the pain, the hurt and disappointments. Accept each other as they are and love them because of it...Not in spite of it.

Our Home

It's happened!!
We are officially the owners of our house!!
Feels so wonderful, exciting, exhilarating to finally be homeowners :)
Thank You Goddess!!